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Things You Learn From Movies
Affordable New York lofts, evil twins, bomb wires, blue bedrooms, shark machinery, strip club investigations, grocery baguettes, and perfect makeup explain cinematic reality.
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Horror Movie Survival Guide
Demon books, basements, Latin-speaking children, graveyards, portal puzzles, deserted towns, shambling monsters, and small towns in Maine create a survival manual nobody follows.
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How to Deal with Star Wars Fanatics
Yodel, Chewbaccy, Luke Gripewater, the Federation, George Lucas rumors, lost premiere tickets, and deliberate universe confusion offer practical ways to torment devoted fans.
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Top 10 Ways to Spot a Bad Pirate Movie
Bird flu parrots, Gilligan heroes, Toyota Corolla ships, Carl Depp, seasickness remedies, foam fingers, Geico cavemen, and Brokeback boats expose weak swashbuckling cinema.
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Top 25 Things About Computers in Movies
Secret files, uploadable viruses, beeping terminals, exploding panels, instant passwords, universal disks, glowing faces, perfect programs, and infinite photo zooming define Hollywood computing.
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20 Things That Only Happen in Movies
Perfect parking, rude hang-ups, eight-second hacking, immortal flashlights, absent bathrooms, flawless makeup, instant news graphics, empty coffee cups, and gravity-defying explosions rule movie logic.
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Star Wars Pants
Familiar dialogue gets invaded by one ridiculous clothing word, turning Jedi wisdom, Imperial threats, destiny speeches, and dramatic space-opera moments into unavoidable pants jokes.
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Top 10 Signs You're Watching a Bad Mafia Movie
Appleton streets, Yoo-Hoo blood, Larry Scorsese, Jersey tunnel traffic, pillow chocolates, Xbox punishments, vegetarian lasagna wiretaps, and Hoff catchphrases ruin mobster cinema.
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If I Was a Starship Captain
Pajama bridges, spaceship army knives, cup holders, leased shuttlecraft, drunk phaser graffiti, pantless beaming pranks, and casual command style reimagine deep-space leadership.
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Top 20 Star Trek Things That Never Happen
Working holodecks, competent engineers, uneventful VIP transport, obvious counselors, peaceful science outposts, easy Prime Directive choices, and old lifeforms in hats rarely visit television space.
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Top 10 Rejected Slogans for Starfleet
Empathy dolls, indecisive presidents, Star Wars trash talk, glop on sticks, wrong turns at Uranus, missing Ewoks, and assimilation threats fail basic recruitment standards.
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Horror Movie Survival Tips
Talking houses, possessed plumbing, demon books, attacking furniture, back-seat checks, twig avoidance, Latin-speaking children, and excessive re-shooting offer practical advice for staying alive.
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Top Ten April Fool's Jokes on the Enterprise
Fake Riker promotions, chocolate-free replicators, Borg tapes, Data dismantling scares, Crusher bedroom voices, Picard childcare traps, Worf signs, and antimatter panic prank Starfleet.
