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God and University
Hebrew publications, missing references, failed replication, ethics board violations, drowned subjects, expelled students, absent office hours, and mountaintop meetings explain why tenure was denied.
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Classroom Dialogue
Slow school signs, floor multiplication, H to O chemistry, same-day parents, cherry tree axes, copied dog essays, and teacher definitions turn classrooms into punchline machines.
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First Graders
Termites, daylight saving time, dirty hands, old dogs learning math, Musketeers, Stevie Wonder, new batteries, pigs, pollution, and pooping birds complete famous sayings.
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6th Grade History Tests
Islamic pentameter, Contented Congress, Franklin’s backward cats, Emasculation Proclamations, dead composers, loud Beethoven music, and ruined assassin careers rewrite history through student logic.
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Memo to All Students
Special High Intensity Teaching, departmental evaluation, attitude training, basic lecture lists, management research, and official acronyms bury students under as much academic nonsense as possible.
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Top 10 Reasons Studying is Better Than Sex
Saved places, early finishes, coffee-fueled marathons, open books, television multitasking, parent interruptions, beer access, and roommate help make academic discipline sound suspiciously convenient.
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University Application Essay
Wall scaling, train-station remodeling, bluegrass cello, Amazon battles, covert CIA operations, full-contact origami, prizewinning clams, and forgotten life meanings build the ultimate application.
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College Year Book Secrets
Gold-like quarters, duct tape medicine, cafeteria creativity, laundry recycling, bookstore shock, celebrity professors, care packages, porcelain worship, and procrastination reveal campus life between classes.
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Learn From Children
Childproofing fails against exploding waterbeds, ceiling-fan baseball, smoky chemistry experiments, microwaved Play-Dough, gas-tank marbles, oven toys, dizzy cats, and quiet rooms.
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Teen Commandments Written by Teen Logic
Sneaking out, alcohol economics, Wal-Mart selection, destruction upgrades, grandma’s money, skipped days, Hooters logic, Nike advice, and abandoned old ladies rewrite teenage morality.
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Learning From Kids
Waterbeds, flaming dust bunnies, ceiling fans, Batman underwear, paint cans, toilet flushes, brake fluid, Legos, Jell-O pools, and dizzy cats reveal domestic chaos.
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You Know You're Out of College When...
Alive plants, real bills, weather channels, umbrellas, taxes, married friends, wine, grandchildren hints, Blockbuster nights, and science-diet dog food signal adulthood.
