The Mother In Law and the Parrot

Gary bought a parrot that was famous for its incredible vocabulary and its uncanny ability to repeat exactly what it heard, word for word. A week later, his mother-in-law, Martha, came over for a surprise inspection of the house.

As soon as Martha walked into the living room, the parrot flapped its wings and squawked, "Hide the good scotch! The old battle-axe is here! Hide the scotch!"

Martha turned beet red and glared at Gary. "Is that what you call me behind my back? A battle-axe?"

Gary was sweating profusely. "No, Martha! I swear, I have no idea where he got that! He must have heard it on the television!"

The parrot tilted its head, looked directly at Martha, and shrieked, "And don't forget to lock the guest room! We don't want her staying past Tuesday!"

Gary sighed and looked at the floor. "Okay, fine. But in my defense, the parrot was significantly cheaper than a marriage counselor."