The Grandfather of All Secrets

A young man was sitting on the porch with his grandfather, who had been married to the same woman for over sixty years. "Grandpa," the young man asked, "what is the secret to such a long and happy marriage? I never see you two fight, and you always seem so calm."

The old man took a slow sip of his lemonade and leaned back in his rocking chair. "Well, son," he said with a twinkle in his eye, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We were riding horses through the mountains, and your grandmother's horse stumbled. She just looked at the horse and said, 'That’s once.'"

The grandson leaned in, intrigued. "And then?"

"A mile later, the horse stumbled again. She looked at it and said, 'That’s twice.' When it happened a third time, she pulled out a pistol and shot the horse right between the eyes."

The grandson gasped. "That’s horrible! What did you do?"

"I yelled at her! I told her she was being cruel and completely out of her mind," the grandpa whispered. "She just looked at me and said, 'That’s once.'"