The General and the Golden Parachute

An Army General, known for leading from the front, decided to join a group of young paratroopers for a high-altitude jump. As they leveled off at ten thousand feet, the Jumpmaster gave the signal. The General, wanting to set a brave example, was the first one out the door.

He plummeted through the crisp air, counted to three, and pulled his ripcord. Nothing happened. He pulled the emergency reserve chute. Again, nothing. As he went hurtling toward the Earth at terminal velocity, he looked down and was shocked to see a soldier flying upward toward him from the ground.

As they passed each other in mid-air, the General cupped his hands and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Hey! Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The soldier, who was covered in soot and traveling at an incredible speed toward the clouds, yelled back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"