The Cat Alarm System

I don’t need an alarm clock anymore—my cat handles that.

Every morning at exactly 5:12 a.m., he sits next to my face and gently taps my cheek.

The first time, I thought, “Wow, that’s kind of sweet.”

The second tap? Less sweet.

By the third, he’s upgraded to claws.

I groan, “Dude… it’s too early.”

He stares at me like I’ve personally offended him.

So I pull the blanket over my head.

Big mistake.

Now he starts digging. Full excavation mode. Like he’s uncovering ancient ruins.

I mumble, “There’s food in your bowl…”

He pauses.

I think I’ve won.

Then he walks over to the nightstand… and slowly pushes my glass of water off.

CRASH.

I sit up, soaked and furious.

He looks at me, satisfied, and walks toward the kitchen like, “Ah good, you’re awake.”

And that’s when I realized—

I don’t wake up when I want.

I wake up when my cat schedules me.