10) I'm smarter than the last guy

09) With an oval office, I can't bump into anything

08) Fox News is already on my side

07) I will take full advantage of the free food that comes with the job

06) I have enormous experience apologizing for failed decisions

05) I will appoint a Secretary of Donuts

04) I will be the Secretary of Donuts

03) My middle name isn't Hussein... anymore

02) My vice president will be Mayor McCheese

01) Kick-ass inauguration party! Bring a six pack and you're in