Top 10 Ways to Spot a Bad Pirate Movie

10) Parrot infects entire cast with deadly Bird Flu

09) The swashbuckling lead character is named "Gilligan"

08) Pirate wears eye patch because of nasty racquetball injury

07) "Ship" is a 1992 Toyota Corolla

06) It stars Johnny Depp's cousin, Carl Depp

05) Long discussions about which is the best over-the-counter seasickness remedy

04) It chronicles the hero's attempt to open a Long John Silver's franchise

03) Instead of hook, pirate's missing hand replaced by giant "We're #1" foam finger

02) Pirates square off against those hilarious Geico cavemen

01) It's basically "Brokeback Mountain" on a boat