10) You berate your co-workers in British accent, but you're from Cincinnati

09) Named your three kids "Paula," "Simon" and "The Other One"

08) Began attending fat camp in hopes of meeting Ruben

07) Your name is Gary and you end each phone conversation with "Gary, out!"

06) You can name more contestants Paula's slept with than Paula can

05) Your baby's first word? "Dawg"

04) No number four-- writer home watching "American Idol"

03) Your floor is littered with greasy sheets of plastic wrap (sorry, that's a sign you're obsessed with American cheese)

02) Before sending letter to California you yell, "You're going to Hollywood!"

01) Watched the first episode instead of working on your new plan for Iraq