A friend is having trouble with his system.

Last year he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which he'd used for years without trouble. However, apparently there are conflicts between these two systems, the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend with the sound turned off.

But to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as; Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2 and Playboy 6.0. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better, Girlfriend 3.0 has many bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually he tried installing Girlfriend 2.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 only to discover when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.

Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fianc�e 1.0 only to discover to his dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0.

However, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2000.

But imagine my friends disappointment though on discovering Wife 1.0 can be unstable and costly to maintain, any mistakes he makes are automatically stored in Wife 1.0 Hardrive and can not be deleted - they then re-surface months later. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic InterDiary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter.

Wife 1.0 also automatically runs PhotoSTROP and WINGEzip and no option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving him to try and GUESS the fault himself.

The system footprint needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop browser Pro for new attachments - Hairstyle express needs to be reinstalled every week.

It also refused some of the new Games and attachments he wanted to try, stating they are an illegal operation.

When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to Lotus Car 1.0 it often crashes or run the system dry.

Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-law, which can't be turned off.

Recently he's been tempted to try Mistress 2000 add-on, but there could be problems. If wife 1.0 detects the presence of mistress 2000, it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.