WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 AM.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your pants.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead and knees.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.